Mumming. Fatherhood. Parenting. It’s weird and wonderful. Hard and rewarding. Tough and kind. Overwhelming and boring. Amazing and a hot mess.
I ran into a Mum this morning. She was admittedly tired and suddenly announced “I’m such a shit Mum”
…she’s an awesome Mum on every level, who has just spent the last 3 days TELLING HERSELF she's a shit Mum. One of her kids isn't sleeping, so she is up all night with her, she's running her own successful business AND she's just generally looking after everyone!
Safe to say - she's certainly NOT a shit Mum!
The power of the inner voice huh?
It takes over.
IT EATS UP YOUR SOUL.
The more you say something to yourself the more you will believe it.
Anyway, I asked her why she was calling herself a ‘bad mum’. She explained that she just "couldn’t be bothered Mumming today, therefore didn't deserve to have kids, therefore was a crap parent".
DUDE, not wanting to parent at times...(a lot of times...)THAT’S NORMAL!
Parenting is hard slog some days, and sometimes, none of us can be bothered! Its exhausting and just like going to a job, sometimes you just get over it. No one ever has a perfect day, every day!
If we did have perfect days all the time, then how would we ever be able to appreciate the good days. I am a firm believer that we have to suffer through some shitty times to appreciate the good. To be humble and to find gratitude in the little things. (sorry for all the swearing! It's just so much better with swearing sometimes)
I have to say this particular Mumma bear was not the first person to tell me they are feeling a little FLAT lately. Myself included.
In fact, truth be told…the other day after I did a 10 minute meditation program I let myself fall asleep. Gasp, shock, I woke up cursing myself, telling myself I was lazy and useless, and should be working (nice one Jess - just what you needed - a bashing from yourself)
I struggled to get back into the day for ages after that. I dragged my feet out on a run and it felt like carrying lead weight in my shoes. I swear, I was Mrs Debbie Downer that day!
I filled out my gratitude journal that night (forcing myself to practice what I preach) and I am 100% sure that helped me see the good in the next day too.
That next day I was analysing what had gone wrong the day before (because that's how I roll, analysing my every move), all this chatter going on in my head…then I realised, it was just a crap day, and I just needed to...
Put it in the f*ck it bucket and move on!
A 23 minute nap wasn’t going to hurt anyone, and clearly my body needed it. I was tired, and that is why I was feeling flat. The weather was cold, the sky was grey, the kids were being …kids and I just felt flat.
My goal today is to remind us to rest in the fact that SOMETIMES we are all ‘sucky parents/partners/friends’ but own that - and be sure to BE THE BEST ONE when you do have the energy.
Remember also, that all kids want from you is a bit of time! You don't have to be dressed perfectly, doing reading perfectly with them, sitting in a tidy room, driving a fancy car, bouncing on the latest trampoline, buying them the fanciest fidget spinner - all they want is your TIME. Be it singing a stupid song, dancing a silly dance, or listening to their r e a l l y, r e a l l y, r e a l l y, r e a l l y, r e a l l y long story, looking at their picture, or drawing with them. That is ALL you have to do, offer them your time (yup, sometimes it feels like that is the most precious thing to you I know...but give them some and ditch the guilt)
Even sit there with them and all share what you are grateful for today. My kids today were both 'grateful for the fact that they didn't have to see each other at school today'...haha EPIC! At least we were talking right?!
ONE THING you could do to boost your self-chatter, mind chatting meanness to yourself is to try practicing gratitude. Be grateful about the skin you are in!
Accept and love yourself for what you can offer other people/kids/partners/friends/colleagues/staff. Have your people write down 3 things that they are grateful for in their day.
It's a little bit magic that task.
Focus on the good things you do, do, rather than the bad. Just spending some time talking with the people you love is good! It’s all many of us want in life - the time of others.
“Wear gratitude like a cloak and it will feed every corner of your life.” – Rumi
Go on...do it! I dare you.
You will be surprised at the turn around. Such simple things can make SUCH HUGE DIFFERENCES!
Go on - one week. Find a book, some pages, an old exercise book, notepad, your phone, anything goes, OR If you can’t do it alone…you could always do it in a beautiful Mindchat Journal or AWEsome INC gratitude journal (see my great plug there?! haha).
Go forth and conquer friends.
The day is yours, do with it what you please.